The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
A definite "pay attention" article, worthy of reading more than once. I truly enjoyed this.

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .

Have you "thrown a brick"?

I think this is an excellent example of a devotion. You did a great job of formatting it to draw the reader in. I like how you started with a true life example that most anyone can relate to. It pulls the reader right in and makes them comfortable.

If you make shorter paragraphs, I think it would be less overwhelming to some reluctant readers. (When you switch to another verse you should start a new paragraph. Also, in first paragraph, you switched from past tense to present with the sentence that starts with If, so that too should be a new paragraph.)

I also really like that you used the first person for your examples. It pulls me in and I find a connection with the MC.
Personally, I wish you had stayed with the first person for the last paragraph. Some people can feel like they are being lectured when an author uses the word you. I think you did a fantastic job of writing on topic. Your scripture choice is a perfect match for your message. Overall, I think you did a splendid job on this. With just a bit of polishing, I think you could submit it to a devotional magazine or website.
Beautiful devotional. Thank you. God bless~
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