The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 712 times
Member Comments
This short story tells victoriously of the wonderful reunion awaiting each glory-bound soul - while reminding us of the spirit, courage and hardship of those who've gone before. Very vividly portrayed. Thank you.
This story vividly describes a mother's love for her child. The note had a lasting impact on her daughter until the mom and daughter were united in eternity.

I may have written the story from the prospective of the midwife, since the mother died during child birth.

Enduring story about a victorious reunion in heaven.
There are so many points in this story that I absolutely loved. You did a great job of writing on topic, and though there are other stories where the main theme is a handwritten note, the emotion behind the words impacted me. I felt the conflict immediately and you did a nice job of setting the scene.

There were a few things you might want to tweak if you wanted to work on perfecting this piece. I noticed in the beginning you told the story in the third person, but then at times you would switch to first person. It's important to stay consistent. You would use she or Victoria in the narration, but only use I in the actual letter. Your opening reminded me a bit of the infamous, It was a dark and stormy night line. Instead if you could have shown the conflict with something like this it might grab the reader more: Grabbing her husband's hand, she screamed as the pain ripped through her body. Then you could set up another conflict between wanting her husband to stay yet simultaneously still wanting him to fetch her mom.

You have a gift for storytelling. I could feel the MC's emotional and physical pain. I also liked the midwife's line of this being her tenth delivery. Back then it may have been a comforting number, but today I imagine the MC would feel a sense of panic and want someone with more experience. I think I liked that line so much because it was a vivid example of changing times. Your whole story has that theme to it and I think it was the perfect thread to sew the sections of the story together. I also thought the ending was beautiful, that even though many years had passed, the mother's voice was recognized. I wish I could keep reading about these characters and the hard, as well as glorious, times ahead. That is always a good thing--when a reader wants to keep reading so I hope you will keep writing.:-)