The Official Writing Challenge
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I am so very thankful for this story of yours, it will touch a whole host of human hearts, mine being one. I lost my father to suicide when I was 18 years old. I have no idea of his relationship with the Lord, I can only pray. I do know he was plagued with a mental health disorder. This is a beautifully done peace of writing. It is hard to believe that this is your first effort at fiction writing, it is so clearly and descriptively depicted. You made your MC so relatable and boy was I thankful when those angels came on the scene! I am hoping you will be moving up to the next level soon. Blessings.
This is outstanding. The title caught my attention and the suspense built paragraph by paragraph. The ending left a good feeling. This is a subject matter that touches everyone in one way or another and I like the way you handled it.
This is such a powerful story in so many ways. There are tons of messages wrapped up in it which is always a great thing. I think people with mental problems and even those without connection to one, can learn so much from this piece. For me the most powerful part was the realization that the demons poked and mocked him until the second he cried out for God's help. Instantly the angels invaded the room and battled on behalf of the MC. That's a valuable message for anyone suffering from anything. Outstanding job.
For a first attempt, this is so well done. The story is very clearly presented. I loved the transition from the demons to the angelic host. The nmessage and the hope it presents is worth reading again and again. thank you.
This is a wonderful powerful piece of writing and, though fiction, has depths of reality to many who have been in similar positions. I thoroughly agree with all the comments already posted. I pray this beautiful story will speak to many. You have strongly illustrated the saving power of God, His immediate rescuing action to desperate prayer, and given a glimpse of the battles going on in heavenly places. Thank you for this wonderful story.
Good start on your fiction writing. Reminds me a little of Max Lucado. Would like to read another chapter. Keep writing.
You had me from the beginning. A story I can well relate to from my younger years. You told it very well. This should do very well, I think.

I have seen those angels you write of. God Bless
I enjoyed your first fiction piece! Thanks.
Your first fiction piece - incredible. I agree wholeheartedly with all the comments posted. Beautifully crafted and heart twisting. Thank you . . .
Powerful writing; gripping; had me chewing my fingernails off. This is a great start to fiction writing and carries a sound message with it too. Having worked in Mental Health, I can appreciate the depths to which your MC plummeted. Well done.
You did an absolutely skillful job at presenting the topic in a unique and powerful way. Your story gripped my spirit and lifted my soul when God's angels came to battle! Well done first timer!!
I agree with all the comments. A few, minor grammar issues noted. Watch out for the overuse of "had" and "that." Most of the time they're unnecessary. Ex. "The last note that he had written" does just as well without the "that."

Love the imagery, word usage, and your ability to paint a scene.

Great job!
Are you certain that's your first piece of fiction? Because it was spellbinding!
You won't stay in level one for long. I loved the entrance of the heavenly angels, with one demon being incinerated--so dramatic. I'll be watching for more entries from you. I'll leave the critiques for the Pros.
You have captured so much depth and powerful imagery in this wonderful entry. It should rate very well.
I am so proud of your extremely well deserved 6th place win! You already know what I think of this entry, it is amazing. Have an awesome rest of your week celebrating your achievement. Blessings to you Richard...
Congratulations for ranking 6th in your level!!! HAPPY DANCE!! (The highest rankings overall and the top 14 in level one can be found on the message boards.) I'm really proud of you. You put a lot of work in this and you were up against some really competitive writers! Again HAPPY DANCE!!