The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is an outstanding story of love and compassion. You did a nice job tackling a difficult subject.

Try showing more and less telling. It's a phrase every writer hears and works on perfecting. Take this for example: She was still in shock at the message it displayed, pregnant.
It is telling but you can paint a picture for the reader and draw her into the story with something like this:
She squeezed her eyes shut and quickly opened them again but the message had not changed. As her heart pounded she shook the stick in her hand in a futile attempt of erasing the word pregnant.
I know my example waslonger and would bite into the word count but I wanted to show you how to show what shock might look like.

I think you did a nice job of subtly weaving the topic through the story. I can so relate to the MC. I became a mom at 18 and it was scary and I feared people would judge me. You did a great job of representing those emotions in your MC. It takes a lot of hard parenting to break the cycle of teen pregnancy. It's not easy to do but quite possible. Through lots of dialog, I managed to get two of my three kids into their 20s without a teen pregnancy. My youngest is almost 19 and seems to be on the right track as well. I liked that you tackled this topic in this manner. Even kids who grow up in a Christian environment and have a strong faith can make mistakes too. It's our job as parents to love them through it. You did a fantastic job of relaying that message.
Good story...I liked the phrase, "They are filled with the scent of his lies." Good wording there. You have great potential as a writer...keep honing your skills. God bless you...
You did an excellent job of portraying Tamara's anguish when she found she was pregnant. I also appreciated the loving response of her mother. Also, I want to say that your ending line was very good!