The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 550 times
Member Comments
Wow! Triplets - just how much work is that? But then, if you're desperate! Thanks!

Colin (Gold Member)
What a great story! I was on pins and needles....I enjoyed this so much...thank you.

God Bless
This is a riveting story. I could relate to the MC and almost could feel the nervous tension bounce right off the screen. You did a great job of developing the characters.They felt like dear friends by the time I got to the end.

I noticed some tiny errors like in this sentence: “It’s good to see you too, Dr. Myles.” They echoed.
Because you used a tagline you need to put a comma after Myles and inside the quotation mark and then have a lowercase t in then. Because it's a tagline They echoed isn't a complete sentence without the dialog. The way you have it makes the reader question they echoed what? (Of course we know what but you were lacking a predicate) Instead of using taglines and trying to come up with creative ones, use that space to show the reader. Something like The couple spoke in unison as they squeezed each other's hand.
Just a slight change shows the reader their love and their worry.

However in other places you did an astounding job of showing instead of telling! For example the first sentence tells us they are a bundle of nerves but this part: Mark fidgeted in his seat. Tami reached and placed a hand on Mark’s bouncing knee. paints a vivid picture for the reader and lets the reader know they are anxious and that Tami has the natural instinct of comforting which will come in quite handy as a mother of three! I also thought the bouncing of the swimsuit edition in her husband's face is another wow moment of showing us the MC's personality. It was a bit of brilliant writing. The beginning is a good teaser line making the reader eager to learn more. You continued to build the conflict right up to the part when the doctor stopped scowling and smiled (If an article like my the is in front of Doctor then it is lowercase but if it's being used as a name then capitalize it and write it out EX Hello,Doctor.)You also did a wonderful job of writing on topic. There have been quite a few birth/pregnancy stories this week but you made yours out of the box (which is a great thing to do) by having triplets be the surprise. I also think you'll score quite high on the message criterion. It's very clear that God is in control and loves us through the hard times and rejoices with us through the good times. I totally enjoyed this piece and will recommend it to others too.
You kept us in suspense right until the very end. I really enjoyed your story. I love happy endings!
OH, I like this - made me get a big goofy grin too.
Awww. I loved this! Thank you for this well written inspiring entry.

God bless~
Congratulations for placing 6th in level one! Happy Dance!