Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Funny (10/04/12)
- TITLE: Not So Funny At All | Previous Challenge Entry
By Barbara Miller
10/08/12 -
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You might think that entering a pumpkin pie contest is a bit odd for a thirteen year old boy. But Kevin is not your ordinary boy. He knew what he wanted in life, and football or brutal video games did not make his list of what he considered fun. His infatuation for anything pumpkin seemed to have started one Halloween when he was just four years old. The streets were full of kids in costume filling their pillow cases or plastic pumpkins with candy. But when Kevin came home, he dumped out all of his candy into the bathroom sink and slept with his empty plastic pumpkin positioned on a pillow at the foot of his bed. Up until that day anything pumpkin that was to have crossed his lips, would have been immediately spewed out with a spit and a grunt. So when Kevin came down the next morning and announced that he wanted pumpkin pie for dessert that night; jaws dropped and the room went silent. "Okay, I'll make one today" said Kevin's mom as she watched her son react in delight with a grin from ear to ear.
Over the years Kevin took an interest in everything pumpkin and excelled in his projects from growing the largest one to perfecting a pumpkin pie recipe that was the envy of the town's reigning pie queen Ms. Metzgar. To this day his love for anything pumpkin is a mystery, but for some reason that hard orange vegetable brings joy to that young man, and because some think it's funny, it has also brought a thick skin to that same boy because he refuses to let others rob him of his passion.
If you're wondering what happened with the pie contest; that morning Kevin managed to whip together the world's best ever pumpkin pie and won by a landslide of accolades. The news of his winning pie spread across the land from one blog to another and finally reached the attention of the Libby's canned pumpkin company. They bought that pie recipe from him and with that, Kevin started a nest egg for his dream of opening a pie house at the edge of town. Nobody thinks he's funny now.
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What I might suggest you work on is too do more showing and less telling. It's something every writer struggles with and is constantly perfecting. For example this line is telling: Some things are funny, and some things aren't. Instead start off with more of an attention grabber that paints a picture for the reader. Perhaps something like this: Kevin bolted upright and immediately started surveying his room. Something had jarred him from his sleep.
Though that may not be a perfect example it introduces the MC (main character) and the setting all while painting a picture for the reader.
I really enjoyed the back story about how Kevin became fascinated with pumpkins. I smiled at the phrase thick-skinned and thought it was a clever word play as pumpkins also have a thick skin. You did a nice job of showing the reader how important it is to be true to the person that God made us to be. There is so much about bullying and teasing in the news. I think you did a nice job of tackling that matter without coming off as preachy. Keep writing those stories that God puts on your heart. You never know how and when God will use your words to make an impact on others Nice job!