The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/16/12
Nice job with this. Thank you. I enjoyed the entire entry. God bless~
I really like the message at the end.
I liked the message, God is watching out for us - always. My one suggestion would be to put everything into the present tense rather than using the past. It would help to put the reader actively right in there with your MC.
02/18/12
Amen! What satan meant for harm, God turns it around for our good! Great message!
02/23/12
Hi Ken.

I had to comment that I'm happy I didn't see the typos and other little errors I've seen sprinkled throughout some of your other writing. Yay!

I did notice that in the 2nd through 4th paragraphs you began many sentences with "she". Try working on sentence variation. You could have used her name a couple of times, or "the frazzled woman" or things like that. Even better, don't start every sentence with the subject. For instance, you could use a verb. "Sprinting to her trunk, she . . . " Or a preposition, "With great frustration, she" These sentences also "show" more about the character, which draws the reader in.

I'm not sure I agree with the review about changing the story to present tense. It could be good that way, but I don't know about "better".

Anyway, your story was on topic and I liked a lot of the showing you did.

Nice job.
02/24/12
You have received some helpful tips here. This is such a real-time issue and many can probably identify with your MC. I certainly can. Isn't it great to know God is in every part of our day?.