The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
On topic and good use of conflict. In one paragraph you went from 3rd person to 1st. Would benefit from better punctuation (using commas). The last sentence is too unconnected to work well. You do tell an interesting story and that is always welcomed.
This moved well and I liked the storyline. I enjoyed it, and as always - peace reigns in our hearts when we give it to the Lord. Nice job. I look forward to seeing future entries of yours. God Bless~
This is a good reminder to always be alert when we are dealing with things online.

The ending didn't seem to connect with the rest of the story and seemed rushed. Remember, just because this is a Christian site, doesn't mean every single story has to mention God. Sometimes trying to add God into it just doesn't work very well, and that's okay too. :)

Nice job with this story!

This fits the topic nicely. I did notice several small errors in punctuation.

The following sentence should be two sentences with a period instead of a comma: "My computer just went crazy, who is clicking on my control panel?"

I also agree the ending felt disconnected and rushed.

I like that you showed Colleen's emotion with things like "Colleen let out a deep breath" and "threw a pencil at the wall" and "slammed the phone down".

Overall, this is a nice story. Good job.
You did a nice job on this difficult topic :)