The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What a fun story. Very good use of descriptive phrases. I could really relate to the MC.
I like your comment about supermarket staff being trained as counsellors. It must be true in any store. (some do a better job than others).
Your dry wit is entertaining, and this is a scenario that we can all relate to.

I was slightly startled by you use of the phrase 'jail bait', not usually applied to an unruly child. It's more often used to describe a seductive young teenaged girl.

All in all, a really fun read that I'm sure has caused many people to nod their heads in agreement.
Have we been in the same store? Ha!:) Years ago, I had an elderly gentleman who kept deliberately banging into the back of my heels with his cart,in impatience. I think they still smart with the thought of it at times.:) Very clever writing. Humorous! I liked it alot.
I love your slightly quirky but hilarious sense of humor. It takes great talent to make the story of standing in a line entertaining. You did a splendid job; I could easily picture it all.

I'm sure you noticed your typo offcourse instead of of course but I mention it because I think this is entertaining enough to submit to a magazine. My first thought was Reader's Digest's All in a Day's Work but it might need to be spruced up a but and shortened. You did a grand job on this piece.

Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!