The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 507 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/11
Love your take on the topic and the memories of a well-loved teacher. The setting came to life.

A little bit of advice (and this is from one who uses it TOO much, also!): the word "just" is used quite a bit--hunt it out with your search button and you'll be surprised how often it can sneak into your entry! Replace it and save your word count for more luscious words. (;

Your writing is descriptive and pleasant to read. I enjoyed this story!
Very touching. Brought tears to my eyes. A life well lived, that satisfies.

I agree with the comment on the word "just". (Just try not to use it!:)
05/15/11
Great story - beautifully written and expressed.
05/15/11
Well told story. I loved this teacher and her student. Sometimes teachers never realize how much impact they have on their students.
I really enjoyed this story. It held my interest throughout. The characterizations were good, and I liked the format.
05/17/11
Vivid story line with a number of well-chosen images.

Only needs a sharp pencil to tighten the sentences as mentioned above.

05/17/11
What a lovely writing style you have :-) I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story, especially as the ending is so pleasant! Well done :-)
This is a sweet story. I enjoyed the characters and dialog. You presented a fresh and subtle take on the topic.

You could tighten some of your sentences up by leaving out words that don't add to the story. For example The family vs. The whole family and cheeks were flushed vs. cheeks were all flushed. Also try to use active verbs; when introducing Margaret you said, "It was the face of a girl by the name of Margaret McDonald." A small change like: "The face of Margaret jutted off the page." is active and succinct.

You did a great job of pulling the reader in right away. After I read it, I reminisced about my favorite teacher. You also had a subtle message about how times have changed. Today if a public school teacher gave a student a Bible there would be an uproar. I enjoyed the journey back to simpler times.

It was wonderful how one teacher can inspire a student to teach. You did an outstanding job on this sweet story.
05/18/11
A pleasant read showing how redirecting someone from a problem to God's Word can have lasting effects that change lives. I like the ‘voice’ of how the story is presented in a very readable approach.
05/18/11
Quite nostalgic for me. Your story brought back a lot of memories. Keep writing and reading. "Tight" writiing comes from more writing and reading. Your talent is obvious.
Your story had a lovely flow to it and an encouragement to all who teach or have influence over young people. Your gift is obvious and as you write your craft will develop even further.
Congratulations on placing 7th in your level!