The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really enjoyed your descriptive phrases and your symbolism.
I was slightly confused between the paragraph with knowing something was wrong with Jacie at the office and then calling hospice.

Keep up the good work.
I got a little lost about the time I thought everyone was back at work and then someone was calling hospice. Probably just me. A tender story that reminds me to share Jesus every time you have a chance. Thanks for sharing.
there is lots of great material in here and it is a powerful story.I too got a little lost in the chronology as you moved from one scene to another which was clear in your mind but not so easy for the reader (well me at least)
when you went from scraping the car at the end of the day and on to the driving back to work you could have maybe placed some spacer marks to indicate the space in the story
or put >The next day/A few days later
similarly when you moved from the collapse of the CEO and then the hospice.
I hope these comments are helpful feedback. look forward to reading more