The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
His is a lovely story you did a great job in really showing what your characters were all about. Its tough to be a nurse and super tough in a wing where most of the patients end up dying and unbelievably tough when the patients are children.

You had a few errors that a good proofreader or if you don't have one try reading it aloud at least three times. They were easily fixed things like in the 2 nd par you wrote it instead of it is or it's. When you described the Java Hungle you used deck instead of decked. In that same paragraph you use an apostrophe when describing cheetahs and other animals. You just needed an s yo make them plural.

It may seem like nitpicking over these little things but you have a powerful style of writing. You bring the reader right into the story and I found myself crossing my fingers that they would be able to go to the concert. You have a ton of raw talent. It just needs to be polished a bit. You are doing a wonderful job. Keep writing and you will keep getting better.
This story felt real to me - I enjoyed it very much! Keep writing!
This is a great story, in which you have opened us up to the questions of a well-trained MC who is fighting issues that exceed her training.
I echo comments re minor typos and setting out; but you are demonstrating your capacity to show, rather than to just tell, so I look forward to reading more of your work.
I too,look forward to more of your stories. Yes, I noticed a few typo's but the story was great, and we all make a little boo-boo now and then.
Typo's are unimportant when you are telling a story like this. My Son passed at 18 with Cancer. It is very hard to work around sick children. Thanks for putting it into words. Keep Writing.