The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 435 times
Member Comments
Touching story that held my attention. Great beginning and closing.
Oohhh you did a great job on this one. I had a feeling when she answered the phone while driving. You did a great job pulling out the suspense. It reminded me of Kenny Rogers' song "Buy me a Rose". You did a great job and though most people may prefer a happy ending life doesn't always end happily. Great job!
Oh, how heart wrenching! But it was a story that needed to be shared.

A tip - In a piece this short, it's usually good to stay in one person's point of view.

You had me hooked from beginning to end. Good job!
You presented a scenario all to real in today's world. As well, you presented the darker side of what can happen if there is a breakdown in communication discussing and agreeing on the values/goals/expectation for their lives. Great job in causing one to stop and pause to consider these things.
Very sad!

If you're going to switch POVs, consider setting the new POV aside with a few asterisks, or italicizing the new POV, so that the reader doesn't feel disoriented.

This is a good cautionary tale for us--cherish and nurture our relationships, before it's too late.
I did notice the switch in POVs, but all in all, it is a very interesting piece with a wonderful point. Keep writing!
Congratulations for placing 8th in your level!