The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Very touching story. You did a great job of getting and keeping my attention. Super ending.
This is a sad, sweet story. You must have had a great relationship with your mom to have been honest about feeling angry over her death. It reminded me when my own mom died suddenly at a young age. It just doesn't seem fair. Nice job of sharing your feelings.
How sad!

I'd have liked to know a bit more about the narrator--there weren't any clues to his/her age, sex, etc.

Keep writing--there's a lot of promise in this piece.
I enjoyed this read and you have a style of writing that keeps your interest. Thanks!
Your writing drew me into the story quickly and kept me interested all the way through. Like someone already mentioned, I would like to know more about the MC. Keep writing, you are good at it.
Oh wow--you certainly were able to describe the emotions and feelings of a loved one saying good-bye. This is very well written, as far as the setting and feelings. You just need a bit of polish for spelling and, as Jan suggested, a little info about the mom, in order to make this really shine. As it is written now, I could still easily relate and share the emotions of your characters very well. Nice writing!
You really drew me in with this touching story. I hope you will expand on this. There's so much more to tell that you were unable to within the word limit. Keep writing! I'd like to read more of your pieces.
Good descriptive words, and a dramatic approach to the topic. There are some punctuation errors, but easily corrected. It drew me in and was touching. Good writing.
Very well-told story. For some reason I saw the MC as a twenty year old daughter; it just seemed to fit. The air hung heavy in the setting just as it should.
You have talent and a depth to your writing. It's good.

Congratulations for placing 12th in your level!