The Official Writing Challenge
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I presume the Owner is God, so I'm not clear on what the Hell-A-Day in is supposed to be in this allegory. This world? I dunno, the parallels break down for me. Your characters are very compelling, though, and fully realized. Your drunk is especially well-written.
This is an intriguing allegory - great concept! You have the beginnings of a really great piece - perhaps a peer editor could help you tidy up a few details. Good start, though, and creative take on the topic.
Good work. I'd be applauding if I was more nutters than I actually am.
I like the way you worked this. It's different and you obviously have a great talent. Love to know who this is so I can read your other stuff (If I haven't already).
This has great potential! Good job.
A very nice parable type story! This could be expanded into a longer piece.
Well done for tackling something really difficult here. You are most of the way to nailing this. Without being obscure you shouldnt have to explain allegory to the reader. For example After you die (leave the Hotel) can be simply left as after you leave the hotel and Read your Bible (basic instructions before leaving Hotel) can be simply read the basic I like that you show different world views and their flaws in a very concrete way. You could save yourself lots of words by not repeating yourself: The man who had introduced himself as Robert turned can be reduced to Robert (who weve already met so no more introductions needed) turned to John. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Yeggy