Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: See (07/22/10)
- TITLE: I Was Blind, Now I See
By Lili Richey Willard
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This passage from John 9:22 speaks volumes. There was a time when I walked in darkness.
I knew Jesus as my Saviour when I was twelve. I was raised in church. My parents taught me about Jesus. I learned early that Jesus was to be loved, cherished, and honored. And obeyed.
I survived those years because God was merciful. I was quite
rebellious, but not ‘bad‘. I did not drink much, or party hearty, and I did not give in to immorality. But when you live for self, and follow the ways of the world, if Jesus lives within you He will prompt you with His presence so that you know some things are truly off limits. I guess that’s why I always knew God had not left me…but I had tried to leave Him.
Looking back now, I see clearly that God was always there. He protected me in obvious ways. I went places nice girls should not go. I hung out with those who scare me today! I took part in activities that were not of God. I am thankful His still, small voice was present. He kept me physically safe, and morally clean. He saw me home many nights when I was in harm‘s way. He kept my reputation in tact, though I deserved consequences. He didn’t leave me to face my rebellion alone.
That time did pass. All my parents taught me helped get me through, and without lasting scars. I married, had my kids, and outwardly lived the right way. But I still knew something was not quite right.
I know now that I was running. Running from God. He was after me, but I had that stubborn streak. I would do things my way, while displaying the ‘proper’ me outside. Inside I was rebelling. I was wife, mother, all I should be. But it was all for the wrong reasons.
When God pursues us, He is relentless. He does not cower, waiver, or back up. He may be quiet for a season, but He will continue on. He is always working, and that is for our good, and for His purposes. I walked down a path of misdirection. At the end of it, I found what I was looking for all those years…
I divorced. I supported my family. I went to school for more education. I got a good job. My life changed. I went to church, but was still living out of God’s will. Then one day the light came on. I don’t know the reason, the moment, or the catalyst; I just know that it all changed.
I saw, and my heart saw! I wondered why I had not seen what had been there my whole life. I thought of teachers who came to my home to try to save my education and opportunities. I was amazed at the juvenile officer who tracked me the days I skipped school to ride my horse, or to hang out with my ‘friends‘. He never meant me harm, but he did show by his pursuit that he cared.
As I walked blindly so long ago, I am amazed at the mercy that was mine. Grace when I almost lost a child to death; patience as I rebelled for ‘my way‘; strength as I tested the waters of life; love when I felt unloved; forgiveness, when my heart cried for release. I regret the times I denied Jesus, and the things I did just because I could. His love has shown me the path, the way, and the life. All because of Him do I live this day.
I was blind…I did not see…Calvary was in the background, a tribute to all Christ was and is and will be. I did not comprehend it. I did not get it that I was a sinner, saved only by Grace. It was not because of me, but a gift from God. Once we are in His hand, we can’t be taken from it. I found this in my life. I was safe and loved. His blood kept me from death. His blood is peace and freedom. His blood is the cure for a soul that walks in blindness and loss.
The words of the song should ring in our hearts with each breath. ‘Amazing Grace’. It is amazing. I was blind but now I see. Amen.
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