The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/03/10
Nice story, but made need a little editing. One rule I've heard about commas: "When in doubt, leave it out." Good job, though.
I liked that you put descriptions of characters' actions with the dialogue to signal who is talking rather than always putting "he said" or "she said." It makes the story so much more interesting. Good job on that! Cute story! Keep writing, writing, writing!
06/04/10
A reporter's life must be so exciting!

As your previoius commenter mentioned, tagging your dialog with action is a great way to do it. Be certain that you punctuate them properly, though...

Sally was stood at Lou's desk and gave a big smile, "Thank you."

Ed moved his mouse, "The part about the fireman was really interesting. Especially how he accepted the Lord because of the pastor's faith."


In each of the examples above (and throughout your story), the commas should be periods.

Your editor reminded me of the old Lou Grant--what a great character!

06/07/10
Wouldn't it be great if all editors were Christians and were more concerned about the people in the stories than the stories themselves?

What I liked best about your story was the way you showed the actions of your characters (Sally zipping her purse and straightening her hair). That grounded the story in reality for me.