Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)
- TITLE: Sandra
By Ken Ebright
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"Ahhh," as Sandra cried.
Dedra sat at her desk in her home office. Sandra sat in front of the desk that was made with pine and stared out the window.
Dedra stopped typing for a second and looked up at Sandra's sad eyes, "I am so sorry about you mom's death. I know it must have been hard to write this story."
Sandra had lost her mom in a shoot out. Her mom was a teller at a local bank. A bank robber held her and the other employee’s hostage for 15 hours, before he killed all of the employee’s. Her mom had been dead for three months.
Dedra looked up and smiled, "I think you have a good first draft, but there are things you could do to improve it."
"O…k," said Sandra.
Dedra's eyes focused on the screen again as she looked through the story. "There are things you could write about like, how it felt to go on TV. You could tell you readers what your thoughts were during the standoff."
Sandra started to cry again, "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
"Sandra, I have known you for years. I know this is hard, but I know you can touch allot of people and lead them to Jesus,“ Dedra looked up into Sandra's eyes, and wiped off some of the tears from her face with a tissue.
Dedra continued with her review as she stared at her computer, “How did you feel about the person who shot your mom? I assume you prayed for you mom while she was being held hostage. You could tell people what you said and what that was like. You could talk about how your mom walked with the Lord every day."
"Those are some good thoughts," said Sandra.
"I think if you made these changes you could get your story published in any magazine. The fact that it was on the news makes it more compelling and a story that any magazine might want to publish," said Dedra.
Sandra perked up and said, "Do you really think so?"
"Yes I do," said Dedra.
Dedra paused for a second and looked into Sandra’s eyes with a serious look on her face, "You got to remember no matter what happens. Jesus someday will wipe away all of your tears and you will be able to see you mom in heaven and you will be able to live with her forever.
Sandra smiled, "Thank you."
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