The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 476 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
You definitely have a knack for touching a readers heart. This was very touching and a great reminder that yes, Jesus will one day, wipe away every tear.

I am pretty much of a newbie around here too and "just learned" that O.K. should always be spelled out: okay.

There are free classes in the forums under "Writing". Look for Ann and Jan's courses. I'm in them and have learned so much.
Very touching story. Listen to AnneRene' because her advice is fantastic. I enjoyed this very much.
This was a touching piece and showed the way a critique can be handled in love. You have a good plot and did a good job using dialogue.
There are some places where your piece is a bit wordy. For example: "Sandra at in front of the desk that was made with pine..." This could be said using an adjective. "Sandra sat in front of the pine desk..." Another example is "Dedra paused for a second and looked into Sandra's eyes with a serious look on her face..." It could be condensed to: "Dedra paused for a second and looked seriously into Sandra's eyes." These are just suggestions from another who hasn't been writing all that long. I hope you find them helpful. Keep writing - you have a knack for it.
05/17/10
This is definitely "on topic." :) I like how you started out with the "click, click, click" of the computer and the fact that Sandra and Dedra were good friends, which added feeling to their relationship throughout the story.
Good piece. Good example of gentle critiques. Debra didn't hold back suggestions, but she did make them in love, a lesson we could all do well to remember.

Just a couple red mark issues. I agree with Lisa. Everyone is different, but I, personally, have found it helpful to study well-loved authors. Actively read their books to study how they phrase things, how they describe them. A lot of writing is in the magic of phrasing. Also, minor mention, but you mean "a lot" (two words) not "allot." The second means to appropriate. Ex: I will allot a certain amount of money to the building fund.

I really enjoyed this one!