The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Fun read -- cute story
I loved the names you came up with. It was interesting and captivated me the whole way through.
Lots of tension and suspense here, essential elements for short stories.

I'd love to have you stop by the forums for my classes on dialog writing.

You have lots of creativity and potential!

Very original idea about having a supernatural battle.

I noticed the tenses weren't closely consistent toward the end.

You did well with the vividness of the characters and the names were very creative!

Keep writing!
A very clever and allegorical piece. Your use of metaphor is quite picturesque on many levels... "The brilliant hues of the rising son caused the quiet to radiate as the new born leaves and flowers danced to the tune of the soft spring breeze." I love it.