The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a very powerful story. Well written
01/18/10
You've definitely tapped into a universal experience--haven't we all suffered a breakup at one time?

I'd suggest tightening it up a bit--I wanted more specifics about what happened to this relationship. As it is, I couldn't really see either player's point of view, and I didn't know who was "right".

I've started a class in the FaithWriters forums for Beginner and Intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there--look for "Jan's Writing Basics".

This is a great example of "ow!", to be sure! Relationships hurt!
01/20/10
Good story. A little hard to follow, an extra return between paragraphs would help.
I see lots of potential here, keep it up.