The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Aww, what a sad story! I like your style and would have liked more of your interesting writing. Thanks - Colin
I also liked your style...I wanted to hear more...
Aww, that's so sad! I wanted to cry along with Sarah! Very descriptive writing though. It would be nice to see what happens to Sarah next.
Oh, how sad!

If I were to offer a suggestion, it'd be to help us get to know the character of Tim better, so that we feel sorrier when he dies.

I've started a class in the FaithWriters forums for Beginner and Intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there--look for "Jan's Writing Basics".

Very nice writing--a strong entry.