The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/11/09
A sweet and happy poem!

Just a few tweaks of the rhythm and meter would really polish this up.

You chose a great title for this rich-in-imagery poem.
12/14/09
I enjoyed this bright colourful poem. One of the masters will help you out on meter (most of us have problems with it) someone like Jan who has a writing class on the notice board - she is dealing with poetry presently.
Well done Barbara!
Colin
Your poem has lovely imagery.
For meter suggestions: lines one and three in a four-line poem need to have the same number of syllables and have stresses (accents) the same--as do lines two and four. If you use couplets, they need to have same number of syllables and have stresses the same.
Example:
I languished alone at the beach,
To watch the rising tide;
Imagination carried me
Through colors on a ride.
(Some words don't fall into meter easily--like colorful).

I flitted round the heavens
And rested on a cloud
To hear angelic choirs
Sing praisingly and loud.
12/14/09
Meter--the bane of the poet. :) Every poet struggles with meter. Verna has some good suggestions. Don't give up! You have talent. The images of your poem and are very good.