The Official Writing Challenge
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Good dialog and message. Well written.
12/08/09
A very nicely written story with good dialog. I like the verse you quoted about the mud and mire. It fits the topic of brown very well and conveys the message of God's love and care for us in times of desperation.
Unique writing on topic with an excellent message. Very enjoyable.
12/08/09
I'm impressed at your first attempt at dialogue.

One thing to work on would be to make it more natural-sounding, perhaps to intersperse more little actions to make your people feel more real. Also, it's best to avoid exclamation marks as much as possible, and to let either the characters actions or the words they choose indicate their emotions.

Love your title, and the important lesson here.
I enjoyed your little girl's progress toward grace and you did a very nice job with the dialogue on your first try. Over time as you write more of it I think you'll learn to make it and your characters more natural. Keep at it please!
Good job! The more you use dialogue, the more natural it and your charaters will become.

A quick self editing tip: read cafefully for repetition. They can be hard to spot. ie: "feeling angry and hurt, she threw herself on the couch and sobbed." The opening dialogue and the action in the second half of the sentence SHOWED us she was angry and hurt, so the first part of the sentence could probably be eliminated.
Hope that made sense...

Loved the title and the many ways you used brown, tying it all together at the end. Keep writing!
ummm, I guess I should be more "careful" with my spelling huh? ;-)
12/09/09
I liked your piece,
all the little things will come. the thoughts were beautiful!Blessings to you!
02/19/10
This is such a good story. You did "Brown" so well, especially that Scripture verse moral to the story. (I'm not crazy about the name Mercedes, either, but "Mercy" is the name I would have given my own little girl, if I had one to name :)