The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/12/09
Cute story! A good start for a great lesson to impart to others. A few suggestions....some editing would really make this piece shine. Check your grammar and watch for tense shifts; try to add depth to your characters through their mannerisms and words instead of simply describing them ("show" instead of "tell"); perhaps pick one of the characters and write from their unique perspective instead of just describing them from a narrator standpoint. This is a great beginning. You may want to read some of the entries from Advanced and Masters to get an idea of what works. Keep writing!
The writing is very thoughtful and conveys a wonderful message.