The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/02/09
What a sad situation!

You started in past tense, then switched to present; it's best to stick with one tense in a story this short.

I appreciate your humble and obedient response to God's prompting. Thanks for this story!
06/02/09
oh..I feel for the kids! I like how you listened to the Spirit telling you to hold your tongue. This really shows the emotions. Keep writing.
06/03/09
I got slightly confused with the charcters but found it quite compelling