The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wow! What a story! I like it. The old man could use a little more polishing in his writing about the quantum physics part, but he is such a vivid character.
This story was well written. I would start a new paragraph each time a different character spoke, this would help break the story up to make it easier to read. I enjoyed the old man character; he had a view on life.
What an intriguing character Ernest is. I enjoyed reading your story.
This is a very well written story--very vivid and engaging.

If I may make one or two suggestions,

1)I agree that your sentences need white space between them, particularly in a dialogue exchange. When you read the upper levels, you will notice that the spacing is done regularly within those entries, giving the reader a much needed break for the eyes...there's so much to read here at FW.

2)The only part of your story that didn't ring accurate was in the last spoken phrase of your female mc. Her response to Ernest seemed a bit trite after the deep things he divulged. I'm not sure if her comments were supposed to reveal something about her, but in this case it came as a jarring statement from an otherwise very likeable lady.

These are indeed small observations because, as a whole, you have a keen ability to tell a story well. Keep it up!
HI - I really liked your story - so much so I didn't even notice the spacing - but it is true easier to read etc... Thank you so much excellent writing and Good luck.
Hi Marie. Just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know your entry, "Sermon on the Mound," actually did very well in the Kingdom of God Challenge. Although you didn't receive an award, you made it into the Highest Rankings for Level 1, placing 7th in that Level. Competition in Level 1 is always very intense, so well done.

If you'd like to check the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:

The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.

Again, well done. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)