The Official Writing Challenge
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You have some good thoughts here, but I had a hard time reading with all the paragraphs so close together, add a few extra spaces next time

to make for easier reading. Otherwise, this was an interesting story!
02/06/09
It's a good story, although I got a little confused with the dialogue. A bit of separation for each speaker--perhaps in their own paragraphs for clarification.

With some tweaking, this has the potential of becoming very good. Perhaps a play of sorts?
02/06/09
I agree with the previous commenters, and would add that some action in addition to the dialogue would make this a really compelling story. Keep writing!