The Official Writing Challenge
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So well written for a beginner!The descriptions, action and build-up were great. I was a bit let down at the end, though. I think I know the effect you wanted to make with the end, but I think it may have been stronger if you'd ended with a line about them "finally arriving being home" or something to that effect.Probably just me. Keep up the mature writing!
OH NO! I didn't expect it to end like that!
You used your dialogue and descriptions very well to set up the mood. I prefer happier endings, but this was well done.
Well done. Not the hoped for ending but definitely a "grabber".
This is well written. The opening sentence took the reader straight into the scene and the emotions of the story. Your characters are very well portrayed: the giggly girl and stressed out older brother. Your short sentences in the paragraph describing the crash give it a tense feel and sense of immediacy.
I agree with the previous comment that the ending is weak compared to the body of the writing. You obviously intended for it to be punchy, and I think that was a good choice, but then it wasn't quite punchy enough. I think part of the 'problem' was that you mentioned the county name 3 times and that became tedious.
Keep writing! If you keep going like this I wouldn't expect you to stay in beginners for long!
Noooooo! Your writing is wonderful. The story held my attention from the beginning. . . I just don't like sad endings. I know, it is reality and you did a wonderful job conveying it, but I would have loved to have them make it through the crash and think how they "almost" didn't make it.
Wow! Great writing! The deer, and the accident, were described so well, my heart is still racing! This should place well. :)