The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You had a good story idea here and I expected to read the full story as indicated in your 1st paragraph. The story, complete with some good dialogue, would have pulled the reader in and made your point without the teaching. Everyone loves a good story and FW is the perfect place to practice your technique.
You are so right. Could you have made your point through thoughts and conversations of the family in the first paragraph? Keep writing!
I was very interested in the family in the first paragraph, and would love to have read more about them.