The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
ROFL! What a charming read! This dialouge between Freddy and Sharon is simply delightful, I would love to read more about them. There's wit and suspense sprinkled throughout and I positively love the voice! Excellent writing, this is one of my favorites for this week! ^_^
This made me want to read romance novels again! Very good dialog and characterization. Loved it!
I am not much of a romance reader but this was good. I really liked the use of vocabulary throughout the story. The only distractor I found was the use of the same descriptive word(s) within the first wto paragraphs.
Sweet story!

You slipped into 3rd person a few times--from "I" to "Frederick" and back again. Maybe some work on commas in a second edit?

I like the spunky and realistic dialogue.