The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/25/08
I like your idea here. So true.

Your story seems a bit stilted and stiff. Use more show don't tell. I want to be part of the scene, not have it relayed to me.

Good work.
07/26/08
This really shows how our society is changing.

A little dialogue mixed in would help the reader relate better. Also an extra space between paragraphs would make it easier to read.

I was hoping for a different ending, because it looks like the mother is in the same predicament as her girls...but that's the way things are going.