The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 786 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/30/08
(smile) It sounds like your grandaughters had a good time on the farm, playing and working with their cousins.
A little dialogue might have given more "personality" to your story.
Well done. Keep writing.
06/02/08
Love the memory of the four-wheeler and the hot tub. You probably could have told an entire story just on that. What fun! You summed the topic up nicely with your ending.
Nice personal narrative. You did a good job making comparisons between the cousins. :)
Loved your opening line Carole, and the idea of taking your grandchildren on holidays had me wishing I could to it. Four-wheeling sounds like heart-in-the-mouth time to me :) Yes! don't let those cousins get away from one another.
Well done Carole.
06/02/08
Nice story!

Consider giving less background material, and just focusing on one or two incidents from the family gathering. Then you can work more on developing characters and helping your readers to get to know these people better.

Your family sounds like a very interesting one.
The vet school story is sweet, I can see it happening.
Thank you for sharing your delightful family story.

I agree that more "showing" and less "telling" would really make this already great story an even better one. Maybe insert some dialogue or talk more about specific events (like the 4-wheeling adventure). Just some suggestions.

Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading it.
A thoroughly enjoyable vacation! Well-written. Makes me wish I'd been there too. Blessings, Cheri
This is a sweet story! I too, hope that the newfound cousins don't lose each other! It sounds like they had a great time and such adventures too! ^_^
This story was a grand adventure. I loved reading every word of it. Well done!
Sounds like a great family and I enjoyed the story. It must have been a fun trip!