The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/22/08
(smile) I liked the line of him wanting a stewardess with a barf bag. Isn't it a wonder that pets survive kids?
Well done, good dialogue in the pet store.
05/24/08
You did a great job with this piece! Loved your ending especially:)
Laury
Some pets have all the fun we have to pay for 'bungy jumps' and rides at the fair. Well done.
05/25/08
Not fair! A story with this title has to be about a bat! —And the poor gerbil doubtless wished he were one! You portrayed the boy perfectly, but I honestly feel more for the rodent! I especially liked the poor gerbil’s face “little noise, some whiskers, and two bulging eyes.” You really made your story come alive!
I thought your story was a great read and loved the line about the stewardess and a need for a barf gag as well.
This was an entertaining read, but I would suggest not mixing first and third person POV's. It would work well with either, though some adjustments would need to be made, depending on which you choose. Eliminating or adjusting the first person bits would probably be easiest.