The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/19/08
I really liked that you wrote this from the child's perspective. It gives it a unique touch.

I was a touch surprised that the man would be so intent about asking her about marriage, but wouldn't mention the adoption until they were in front of the judge, but that could just be me.

A lovely picture of a family coming together. Thanks for sharing!
04/21/08
Beautiful. I love the emotions and telling it from the child's perspective. Keep up the great writing!
04/21/08
What a lovely way to show the blending of a family. Happy tears really can be quite confusing to a child, thanks for reminding us of that. Carl sounds like a really good guy! I hope the rest of the story is as good as the beginning. :)
04/21/08
Love your last line!

Take a look at the number of times you use "was" or other "to be" verbs. You can spice up your writing a great deal just by switching to more active verbs.

This is a very sweet story.

“Now we’re a real family, aren’t we daddy.” This is one of my favorite lines. Telling the story from a child's point of view was very different and delightful. Very, very well done.
04/23/08
Lovely story and a beautiful true life one, too! You shared the feelings a small child would have in these circumstances; very nice.
"It would take some time for her to understand how you could have wet eyes while smiling so big."

Beautiful last line and a beautiful story.

My older sister was adopted by my dad when she was five years old. My sister is mildly retarded, so many guys wouldn't have wanted to take her as their own. This story reminded me of my dad, but it sounds like yours is amazing too.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I was deeply touched by it.
I loved your last line! Marissa was a such a darling character, I loved watching her go through this change. I liked how Carl asked her first and her answer to her mother "okay, tell him we'll marry him." Cute! ^_^