The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/07/08
Wow! The ending is a tear-jerker:) Very nice writing! You need to work on your dialogue a little bit. Make it sound more like what real conversations sound like. This is wonderfully written! I love the lessons to be learned! Great job!
Great job. Compassionate descriptions of Anna's friends. :)
I liked this very much. To me it had a feel of crinolines, parasols and mint juleps about it. What a wise little girl (what a great example of "a little child shall lead them").

Yes, keep an eye on your dialogue, at a couple of points, the little girl sounded like an adult.

I want to know what happened between your MC and Peter :)




02/10/08
Very nice--excellent writing, and good job with the time and place--all seemed very realistic.
What a sweet, tender story, and I loved the surprise at the end.
What a lovely story! Thank-you for sharing it.
This is a gem. The message is clear, the tone is sweet and tender, and the writing very good. You won't stay in beginner's long.
I can't help saying that this is so sweet! I'm glad that Anna was able to show her something, this garden party turned out to be just wonderful for the one person that really needed it! I loved the character of Anna and how she shared about all of her friends. It was beautiful-the ending was my favorite where Peter stepped out from the tree, the line with the butterfly was great! ^_^
Thanks for the brick, Anna is a gem. Right on topic, I'd like to see this place. Keep up the good words.
This is lovely and sweet and tender. Simple words wisely chosen. Great job of setting the scene and the dialogue.
This is great! I loved the ending--perfect! (I am romantic at heart) Great writing, great story and on topic. Good job.
02/13/08
WOW! Superb ending!! LOVE IT!!
02/13/08
Good use of the topic. I thought it was a sweet story.
***Congrats on your highly commended!*** This was great!(I just had to read it again!) ^_^
02/14/08
Congrats on a great story! It would be fun to see this turned into a longer piece. Keep it up!
02/14/08
Congratulations, Shirley! Nice way to leave level 1!
Laury
02/14/08
Very nice!!!!!!!!! Congrats on placing. God bless.
What a sweet, thought provoking story. Very well written. Congratulations on your placement. It was certainly well deserved.
02/18/08
I am not qualified to critique you writing style...but I loved the article. At the ending, I saw JESUS emerge from behind the tree and was aware that he is observing and listening to our conversations, too. GREAT STORY...WONDERFUL PRINCIPLES