The Official Writing Challenge
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Great story for young teens! Share it with your youth group leader.

Be careful of spelling: I caught then/then and you're/your. And it's hard to imagine a neighborhood that would have both a mansion and a shack.

Your lesson is well-put, and one that many young people need to consider.
This is a good story. Make sure you capitalize Bible, though. I like your characters here. Very real, especially the pesky little sister:)
I agree that this would make a great "teen" story. Remember to start a new paragraph with each dialogue by a character. It's easier to read! Correct some of the spelling and punctuation and your story will shine!
You made the list for the Beginner Blessings this week! Congratulations! Here is the link: