The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
A thoughtful message with a good intro, concise train of thought throughout, and a satisfying conclusion. I would suggest dividing it into more paragraphs, each paragraph having one central thought.
This is a good story, showing the confusion of many. If you break your paragraphs between each speaker and change of thought, it is easier to read.
You made some very good points here, and disguised them as a story! Good job.

I echo the suggestions above, and would add a suggestion to work on adding little sensory details so that your story is more "showing" and less "telling."

I like the fact that the women's consciousness was prickled by their first conversation.
Ditto on breaking it up into paragraphs. Each new speaker needs her own paragraph so that the flow of conversation is easier to follow. Good message. Very realistic scenario - I think I've been in this conversation. ;-) Keep writing.
Congratulations, Nicole, on placing 15th in your level. Great job!