The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You do an excellent job SHOWING the reader the action instead of just TELLING! Thank you for this. You have some great desriptions. This is also a very unique setting.

There are a few minor grammar issues that could be easily fixed.

Great job.
Nice character descriptions and good dialogue. You make the reader feel part of the action. Just a few tiny typos, but other than that, well written.
You did such a great job on this entry! Your opening sentence was great, the content in the middle was engaging, and your ending left the reader wanting more. So excellent!!!!
Nice job. Good dialogue.
Teens will love reading this!

To set the scene for such a sudden change of heart, you may want to help us to get to know this girl's spirit a bit better. As it is, her openness seems a bit unrealistic. It's hard to change a whole person in only 750 words!

I hope this story finds a big audience.