The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 555 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/27/07
A very poignant piece that I think a LOT of people need to read.

The asterisks are a good way to show a shift of point of view, but I found you using the first person (I) for two different characters like that quite distracting (especially when I realized the first one was dead!). It threw me for a bit.

Your descriptions are very good. Keep writing!
Great story angle for this topic. It would be less confusing if the second part had not been written in the 1st person; could use 3rd person from a narrator's point of view.