The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/31/07
I really enjoyed this story! Vivid, realistic dialogue and dialect--I felt as though I were right there with the concerned grandma and her livewire grandson.

Would be good to put spaces between dialogue lines--a little easier to read.

Great title--it sparked my curiosity at once!

09/05/07
I like your use of "feard" (both at the beginning and end of the story). Even in the midst of gunfire the granny "held to her guns" to get her grandson to use proper English. :)

I think you've captured the bravado talk of a young boy, yet when danger was present he still needed and wanted the protection of his granny (and the spiritual protection she claimed).

I enjoyed your granny-grandson story!
I loved your story of a loving grandmother doing her best to raise her grandchild in safety amid danger. The dialog is excellent.
I thought your story was very vivid and well written to express the fear of a wonderful loving grandma for her grandchild. Well done!
09/06/07
This is well written. Just some paragraph structure would make it read better. Keep writting, great article.
09/06/07
Vivid descriptions and I really felt the fear of the grandmother in her less than safe neighborhood. Realistic dialog through the whole story. Great writing!
09/07/07
Sensational writing. This touched me. I could feel all the feelings and could visualize the story. Great job!
09/07/07
Sharon -- Congratulations on your highly commended. Your writing is very good -- I felt like I was cowering in the house with grandma. There are a lot of powerful messages packed into this short piece. Good job.