The Official Writing Challenge
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Great job with the dialog. I must admit, though, that I was a bit confused as to what exactly happened. They were breaking some relationship law? Maybe a bit more explanation would make this a little clearer.
Keep writing!
Cute story. Hard to read though. A little more descriptiveness here and there would be helpful. Overall good writing! God Bless
I like honest, gritty critique and hope you do, too. Here's my two cents: Really great dialogue and description paced the story quickly and made it interesting. Remember your basics: When a character speaks, always begin a new line. Never mix speakers in same paragraph. Also, leave a line of space in between each new paragraph - I made that mistake at first, too, - it makes for easier reading. Being evasive about the storyline is great for a while, but by the end we should completely understand what it was about, and this was a bit confusing as you left out details to help us understand: Time it took place (future?) and why such a law existed. Hope my rambling helps. You are really good. Keep writing!
I caught the gist of your story, and it's very clever and amusing! A bit more spit and polish, a few more words of explanation (use that 750-if you have to!), and this will be a bright, funny story. Keep at it! You have a great style developing here. :)
Your idea's and imagination are great. Just polish up on your paragraph structure. Your description is wonderful, just make sure all the pieces of the story are included, have someone read it for you. You are a great writer in the making.
Congratulations, Douglas. Your entry has placed 15th in Level 1. With so many entries in this level, you've really done well. The Lists for the Top 15 in each Level and the Top 40 overall is available in the Weekly Results and Highest Rankings forum of our Faithwriters Message Boards.