Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)
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TITLE: God, where did my daughter go? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Deborah Torok
08/18/07 -
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I was twenty, single, leaving an abusive relationship and so thankful to God for giving me the most precious blessing He ever could, my daughter.
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The door flew open and out ran the children. From the crowd my daughter came racing toward me, with her long brown hair flowing behind her and a smile spread across her face.
“Mommy I sing in my pajamas!”
With her small chubby hands she handed me a piece of paper that read:
For the Christmas Program this year the two and three year olds
will be singing in their pajamas.
The night of the program her face was lit up with excitement. When the kids filed onto the stage, silence filled the sanctuary. All the children fell into their spots and the music started. The children began singing and then my daughter took center stage. In her new red and white plaid pajamas and a big red bow in her soft long brown hair, she stepped out in front of the other kids waving her arms around as if she was the choir director. Laughter was heard throughout the sanctuary as my daughter continued with her debut.
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It was the first day of kindergarten and my daughter was beside herself with excitement. While bouncing up and down squealing with excitement the bus came rumbling down the road. As the doors opened instantly the excitement left her face.
“Mommy, I love you.” She said as if she were being sent to the gas chambers.
After school I stood nervously waiting for the bus to come rolling back down the road. The doors opened with bursts of chatter and giggles.
“Mommy it was so much fun!” She announced as she flew off the bus.
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“No I’m not going to school!”
“You have to go.”
“No, you can’t make me. My head hurts, go away.” She said as she pulled the covers over her head.
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“We have been to a couple therapists, several psychologists, neurologists, doctors. She has undergone so many tests and no one has an answer as to what’s going on with my daughter. She has threatened to kill herself, refuses to go to school, has violent rages. Once she put her fist through a glass window. I feel so helpless. I just want my daughter back.”
“Okay, I think I can help her. Send her in and I’ll talk with her and go from there.” The psychiatrist said as he finished writing down some notes.
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“It’s ninety degrees out why are you in a long sleeve sweatshirt?” I asked while my daughter sat on the lawn swing staring at the ground.
“Pull your sleeves up and show me your arms.”
With great reluctance she pulled up her sleeves. Carved into her left arm was the word “DIE”.
“Mom I want to die! I’m not your perfect little girl anymore! I’m not who you think I am!”
“Yes, you are. You are a precious gift from God and nothing can change that. I love you so much and God loves you even more. He does not want you hurting yourself.”
“You still don’t get it! Why can’t you understand, God doesn’t love me because if He did He wouldn’t have made me like this!”
“Yes, He does and God didn’t do this to you.”
“No, He doesn’t. You will never understand! Nobody understands me!”
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“Mom would you be mad if I pierced my cart ledge or my lip?”
“Of course I would.” I looked up to see my daughter pulling back her shoulder length brown hair to show her new piercing.
“I can’t believe you did this. I told you not to. Your body is a temple for God and you are defaming it.” I said as she turned to the front to show me the piercing in her lip.
“Why did you do this?”
“Mom I’m sorry, you just don’t get it. My biological dad doesn’t care about me. I don’t want to hurt you, but you just don‘t understand. Nobody understands me and nobody can help me!” She explained.
“Your right I don’t.” I said as I turned and walked away.
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As I sit here with tears running down my cheeks confused and bewildered, I turn my eyes up to heaven and ask God “Where did my daughter go?”
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Quick FYI--"cartilage", not "cart ledge". And I'd suggest a change in title--this one sort of broadcasts the way the story's going to go, and you want the reader to take that journey along with you.
If this is non-fiction, blessings on you and your daughter as you find your way together, with God's help.