The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/02/07
How sad!

This would make a good story, with dialogue between the husband and wife to help your readers get to know them better.

It has the ring of truth to it--I wonder if it's based on a real couple.
08/03/07
Really well written voice of a hurting spouse. You might consider getting rid of the 2nd. person in your writing; if this is truly the cry then the "you" audience is of no consequence. Definately, an essay for consideration.
I could feel the pain and emphasize with the unloved wife. This story can be told by many woman, substituting various "mistresses" besides woman. Keep writing from your heart as you hone your skills. Blessings - Angel
08/06/07
Felt the sadness all the way through this. Well written!
Well-written and truly sad. I also think that changing from the second-person to the first-person would cause your story to impact your readers even more deeply. And any time you can show something through dialog and interaction between your characters, rather than just tell it, it will make the read more compelling. Great effort, keep writing. You have talent. Blessings, Cheri
08/08/07
Hi; This was very good reading. I would have liked it a bit longer but, based on what I've already read, I'd probably still be looking for 'more'. Good job!
08/08/07
Very sad; however, well written.