The Official Writing Challenge
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06/07/07
A well written illustration of your point, powerful--no pun intended.
I am a little confused on how this fits entirely into the children's genre. But certainly an interesting read. The idea really should be expanded upon. Maybe with some more detail.
06/10/07
A very good story. Unfortunately, many kids do "buy" the false story that Harry Potter is just for fun. Many kids are innocently tricked into witchcraft by these kids' stories. I think this is relevant for kids old enough to read. Good job
06/11/07
Very intense story that would be suitable for older children. Unfortunately, children see occult things on TV and in the movies and need to be warned of the dangers of playing with this kind of "unholy fire." Good warning message and good example of how to respond to this type of thing.
I would hope that none of our children would have to deal with this type of thing, but then, I'm very naive. You made it a very real picture.
06/12/07
This is good as an object lesson or a parable--definitely a conversation-starter.

The boys' dialog struck me as a bit stilted and unrealistic; perhaps working a bit more on voice would improve the flow of this piece.

Lots of suspense and excitement--would appeal to boys a great deal.
06/12/07
A similar thing happened to a good friend of ours who became a Christian and left his Native American practices. Witchcraft or native Spiritism is not something to mess with.
06/12/07
This is pretty edgy and scary that it could happen, but I think it has a good point. I would revise some of the dialogue so it sounds more like what a kid would say and not what an adult would say.
06/12/07
Wow - extremely powerful! This gave me the creeps. Seems a bit "serious/dark" for kids, but that may just be my opinion. Great writing!