The Official Writing Challenge
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There's a good story nestled in here. There seem to be a lot of long sentences that could be broken into smaller ones. Also, verb tense is not as good as it could be. But this is a wonderful love story.
I agree that this needs just a little polishing with the grammar, punctuation and a few missing words within sentences. I've certainly overlooked things like this in my own writing...no matter how many times I re-read it something slips by me! There is a lot of good imagery and wonderful thoughts in this little story. Keep writing, and kudos to you for your entry!
04/28/07
I agree this needs a little polishing but the story is wonderful. I felt the love and nervousness all the way through.
04/30/07
I sense the deep feelings here, and I see the depth of feelings in your writing. This is nicely done