The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/09/07
Interesting piece, and you communicated well the frenecity of the mall (made me vow not to go back for a looong time). I didn't entirely understand it all, but I think the essential message comunicates itself well.
Nice example of a father/daughter relationship. Our teens are smart and catch on if we just give them example and time. Nicely done.
03/11/07
Some of the phrases here are so clever! You definitely have a way with descriptive passages. It was hard to follow in some places, but overall a good story and a nice one to read.
03/13/07
This reminds me, again, why God gave me boys. I admire you parents of teenage girls. Nice flow to your writing. I think I understood your message, (and if I did, it's a very good point) but it might have been somewhat lost in the subtlety. (Or it could be that I'm just a little dense.) And I loved the line Chrissy mentioned, too. Really clever.
Pretty good, I liked the descriptions and the character of the daughter. A few more spaces in between would make for eaiser reading, like when the Dad was pointing out the differently dresses girls, I got really confused as to who was who, but managed to piece it together in the end with the last few sentences. A very good job, with a little tweaking-has great potential! Thanks for sharing. ^_^
03/13/07
I could almost feel the crowd pressing around me and hear the constant din! Good description of today's shopping experience! :) Enjoyed the message, too!
03/14/07
Great description - this was a bit hard to follow in places, but the message came through clearly!
03/14/07
I LIKE this! Very different, and engaging, too. You did a good job with the non-conversation conversation between father and daughter. The message is one that needs to be told, and I'm father found a good way to get it across to his daughter. I really like your writing style. Good job!
03/15/07
You captured the relationship well. Very creative!