The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/08/07
Hehe You had me laughing throughout.

Try to use the word "that" less. It's usually either unneeded or can be replaced with a "better" word.

You have some great phrases in here. I especially loved the lines about gesturing at each other and occasionally understanding each others gestures. Great job. Keep writing!
Good point here. We all too often think we know everything at a glance, but most often, we're wrong. Good writing.
03/10/07
I enjoyed your story. Your description was vivid. My favorite line was, "Perhaps it was just that I believed in fairness. But probably not." I loved the honesty in that statement. It put me on "your side" for the rest of the story. I knew then that you'd be "honest" with me for the rest of the story. It's a great technique...and it worked! I never would have thought of it this way before. I plan to use it in the future! Thanks!
03/13/07
very interesting story with a reminder that we should not judge without sufficient knowledge about a thing or person.
03/14/07
A very good description of this wonderful lady. I think it might be a good idea to let the reader know the setting of the story in the beginning. A good way to say "you can't judge a book by it's cover". Nice work
03/20/07
Janice, I liked the little dashes of humor and the very relational way you communicated the story. Being an inquisitive person, I would have liked to know what country you were in, and probably introduce that somehow in the opening paragraph. But it was a fun read that gave me more than a few smiles. This bit painted the scene of the interview very well: "She gestured and I gestured and once in a while we understood each others’ gesturing."

I hope you'll keep rising to the Challenge and using it as a way to hone your skill. I'll look forward to seeing more from you in the future.

with love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator and Editor, FaithWriters' Magazine)