The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/08/07
Your first few sentences, where the hopeful little girl was crushed by her daddy's sharp rebuff, were so heartbreaking!

In your story, we see the devastating effect a parent's neglect and rejection has on the self-esteem of the child. The consequences are diastrous, and you portrayed that message very clearly.

I'm glad that the father chose to begin the healing process by taking his daughter fishing! Thanks for sharing this piece1 :)
This was a touching story and I could sense the hurt felt by the child. But your story goes beyond that to show that with forgivess comes redemption. Thank you for expressing how our words and actions can sometimes, unknowingly, cause undeserved hurt and pain that can be carried for years.
02/09/07
I love stories of reconciliation...thanks for this one.

You might think about those two paragraphs that "narrate" her lonely years, and find a way to show us her heartbreak instead, through her thoughts, perceptions, and actions.

What a wonderful job of showing the harm we do to others. I agree that it could be a little more "picturesque". This is usually accomplished with much editing of your own. Keep working, making the story clearer each time. But definitely continue. This is a good piece.
Ok, grab me a box of kleenex. These stories are so good. I love this one.It's such a touching piece and sad since many have gone through this with a parent or someone dear to them and it surely does affect their adult years. I love how you show that the Lord can make a beautfiul reconcilliation and a start of a healing. Love this fishing story. You caught me with this one hon!:0)
02/14/07
I love stories like these. You did a good job with it - it was beievable.
02/14/07
sorry - I meant believable!