The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/10/07
An all-too-real story of loss and (hooray!) redemption.

Some of your longer paragraphs need separation; each new speaker needs her own paragraph. And work on finding ways to show us your character's feelings, rather than narrating their experiences.

I felt the relief of her mother and father right along with them.
Good story of redemtion and, also, how God leads us (not always gently) into our mission in life.
02/13/07
Oh, I really like this. There are some minor grammatical errors, but nothing major. I really like how this story has similarities to the story of the prodigal son, but is different enough to be your own, different story. Great job!
This is sooooooo good. Very touching. I had read this earlier and came back to reread it and was again moved to almost tears. You certainly have a way with words. Keep up the good work. May God continue using your gifts. God bless you.:0)Janice+-