The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow, what a wonderful thought that our fervent prayers for an unsaved person would actually be able to "hold heaven ransom!" Your story did a pretty good job of having a good beginning, middle and end. Your third paragraph was one long run-on sentence, but perhaps you meant it to be that way, as maybe Betty talks like that without taking a breath! :o)

Perhaps English is not your first language, and so the English grammar and punctuation problems are hard for you to spot. This story just needs a little polishing, but it is a fine story. Kudos to you!
This was an interesting story and a wonderful testimony to the power of prayer. I admit I was a bit confused as it shifted between past and present, but after reading it twice it became clearer and I enjoyed it very much. Nice work.
Loved the title, very descriptive phrases. I got a little confused at the end, but the story was great! Good job!